That Day He Lied
by TwilightMomofTwo
Summary: Entry for the Scene Stealers Contest, NM Chap 3. Edward's attempt to leave Bella doesn't quite work out the way he expected. His cruel words don't have the intended effect and this Bella isn't crumbling in the dirt. BPOV, AU, Katmom's Judge's choice award


**Author's Note: **This is my entry to the Scene Stealers Contest. Thanks to everyone that voted and left a review on the contest profile. Many thanks to Bella's Executioner who beta'd this oneshot for me. Couldn't have done this without her. She's my sister from another mister. Truefax.

**Disclaimer: **The Twilight Saga and all characters contained within are the property of Stephenie Meyer. I just play in her sandbox.

Check out all the other great stories on the contest page at www[dot]fanfiction[dot]net/~scenestealerscontest

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He was lying.

For a split second, I stared at him with disbelief, and then I knew.

Edward stood a few feet across from me, his face a mask devoid of emotion, his hands clenched at his side to match the tension in his body.

Every word he'd said so far, after leading me up the path into the shade of the trees behind my father's house, had been a lie.

I knew it deep down, with every fiber of my being, that he was lying to me, and I wasn't about to let him go through with throwing us away.

Just because he was scared.

I understood his fear. After all, Jasper had tried to take a bite out of me not quite three days ago. I knew the incident had thrown Edward completely off balance – his demeanor in the last few days had been distant and almost cold, and it suddenly dawned on me that he had been preparing himself for what he had just told me.

He'd been moping in silence since the night it happened, beating himself up with unnecessary guilt over a stupid accident and, so it seemed, plotting and steaming over how to rectify the situation.

His utmost desire was to keep me safe, to protect me.

Even if it meant leaving me.

Perhaps part of me had known it would come to this – ever since his unusually urgent kiss the night after the party, I had been walking around with a feeling of dread in the pit of my stomach. There had been an edge to the way he kissed me, eerily reminiscent of the night we fled Forks in our attempt to escape James.

It had all fallen into place with the first few words that left his lips, telling me that they were leaving, without me.

And that he wanted it that way. That he didn't want me to come with him.

That he didn't want me.

I knew exactly what he was doing. He was trying to feed my insecurities, by telling me that I didn't belong in his world, the fragile human with the strong and indestructible vampires.

He apparently thought I would buy his lies.

Well, he was dead wrong. It was all just a little too obvious, too soon after the wreck of party to not arouse my suspicion. It was all just a little too convenient.

There was no place else I did belong but with him, and it made me angry that, after the many times he'd told me that he loved me, that I was his entire world, and that he would never love anyone else, he would think I'd be so foolish and insecure as to believe that he would not want me.

I was _not_ going to take this lying down.

Unshed tears stung my eyes and blurred my vision but I blinked them back. My poor battered heart was hammering in my chest, rapidly pumping blood through my body and providing my brain with much needed oxygen.

I refused to believe a single word of what he had just told me. Narrowing my eyes at him, I called him out on his attempted deception.

"You're lying, Edward."

I kept my eyes on his face and noticed the nearly imperceptible change in his carefully controlled expression. He couldn't look at me and instead dropped his eyes to his feet.

"No, I'm not."

"You're lying, Edward. I can see it in your eyes."

The mask slipped. His mouth dropped open. "Wh..."

"Look me in the eye and tell me that you don't love me anymore."

The forceful demand in my voice seemed to do the trick. His amber gaze met mine and I could see the truth deep within his soul. I raised one eyebrow, challenging him.

"I don't love you anymore." He delivered the words in a flat voice, mechanically and unconvincingly.

The mask had moved back into place but his eyes still held a hint of pain and anguish in their topaz depth.

I was calling bullshit.

"I don't believe you."

He huffed and his lips twisted into a vicious sneer.

"Why would you not? You've said it before – why would someone like me be interested in someone like you?"

He looked at me, a haughty and disgusted expression on his face. I could only stare at him, wrapping my arms around me and reminding myself silently that this was all an act, that he had planned this and was doing whatever he could to get me to buy into his lies.

"Let's face it, Isabella. You don't belong in my world. You are weak and fragile, and though you provided a nice distraction for a while, the time has come for me to move on."

I roughly breathed down my nose, shaking my head, steadfastly refusing to let his hurtful words convince me.

"Are you serious, Edward? Do you really expect me to buy this crap? I know what you're trying to do and it's not going to work. What happened with Jasper was an accident, a stupid mishap, and I won't let you do this to me. To us."

Anguish flashed in his eyes before he quickly composed himself. He completely ignored my words.

"I've made my decision, Bella. Please, take care of yourself. Of course, I'll always remember you fondly but it is time for us to part. I wish you much happiness for your future, and I promise that this is the last time you'll ever see me."

"Edward, please don't do this." I resorted to pleading at that point, dread nearly closing my throat, pain spreading like a frostbite through my veins.

I felt cold, colder than I'd ever felt before.

"I have to go." Before I could say another word, he had blurred down the well-worn path that led to his house.

The coward.

I shook my head for a moment, and then the anger took over, my hands balled into fists by my side, and I took a step forward.

And then another.

Pretty soon, I was running.

It turned out that my temper was a darn good motivator.

I followed him as fast as I could, stumbling over roots, but pushing my way through, all the while hoping that I would reach his house in time before he could disappear on me.

Of course, I fell a few times but got up again and again, refusing to let my clumsiness stop me.

I began wondering if the rest of the family had already left. Certainly, there had been enough time for them to pack up after my stupid birthday party, and the fact that Alice hadn't been in school in two days also gave proof to that.

Disappointment and a surge of sadness spread through my chest at the thought that my best friend had left me without so much as a goodbye. That the family I had begun to think of as my own, as my future, had gone away without a farewell.

I also knew that it was most likely Edward who had forced their hand to do just that.

And the anger flared and gave me strength.

I was utterly infuriated with him. How dare he make such a monumental decision with such far-reaching repercussions without even talking to me? How dare he decide to just run away instead of facing the obstacles fate had put in our way _with_ me?

I pushed on, rage making my blood boil, running as quickly as my feet would carry me through the darkening woods, keeping my eyes on the path and the prize at the end of it.

Eventually, I broke from the trees into the lawn in front of Edward's house. Elation swept through me. His Volvo was parked at the foot of the stairs by the front door, the trunk popped open. A few boxes littered the backseat, and two large suitcases plus some more boxes were already stored in the trunk.

I'd made it in time. He wasn't gone yet, though none of the other Cullens seemed to be home, confirming my suspicions that they had already left town.

Well, I would address their abandonment of me with them later – as soon as I got the chance – but I had more pressing things to take care of.

Such as proverbially smacking my vampire boyfriend over the head for trying to get rid of me, seeing how literally hitting him would not only be demeaning and wrong, but also likely result in a broken hand for me.

I marched up the steps and through the open door into the living room.

"Edward," I snarled. "Get down here. I know you're here."

His beautiful form appeared at the top of the stair case, the familiar crease between his eyes, his arms hanging loosely by his side. His topaz eyes burned into mine.

"Bella," he whispered, staring at me in what seemed like shock, still as a statue. His jaw flexed as if he was gritting his teeth.

"Damn it, Edward," I growled, preparing to give him the tongue-lashing of his immortal life. "You left me! In the _woods_! You _left_ me!"

My voice broke as I considered the possibility that I might be too late to change his mind. Fear washed over me when he didn't move at all, and my breath hitched in my throat.

"You promised you wouldn't," I croaked, my heart clenching in despair. "You promised!"

I walked towards the stairs, looking up at him.

He didn't say anything, just kept staring at me as if I was some kind of apparition.

I began walking up towards him, my gaze never leaving his, until I stood at the very last step in front of him, my head tilted back as far as it would go, so I could look into his eyes. My hands automatically reached for his, grasping at his fingers, entwining them with my own and the familiar electricity shot up my arms.

"You promised," I whispered brokenly, clutching his hands with all my strength, willing him to reconsider, to stay with me.

His cold digits wound around mine for a moment, and then I was in his arms and he swept me up to bury his face in my hair, his arms strong and solid around my waist, my feet dangling in the air.

"Bella," he whispered again, his voice so low that I almost didn't catch it. "Oh God, Bella – what the hell was I thinking?"

I wasn't quite sure whether he'd meant for me to hear that, though I smiled a little and tugged him a little closer, finding my voice again at his admission.

"Yeah, Edward, what the hell were you thinking? Did you really believe I would just let you walk away from me?"

"I...Yes, I suppose that's what I thought you would do," he admitted into my hair, his cool breath moving the strands and bringing with it his sweet scent. I inhaled deeply and tightened my arms around his neck, suddenly aware of how easily I could lose him, despite his indestructibility.

"How could you say those cruel things to me? How could you lie to me like that? How could you stand there and try to make me believe that you didn't love me anymore? After the thousands of times you've told me you loved me, did you really think I would let one word convince me your feelings had changed?"

"How could I not?" he growled defensively, deep in his throat. "Do you think I _want_ to leave you? Nothing is further from the truth, but this decision is not something I came up with out of the blue. Trust me, I spent hours thinking of every alternative, every possible outcome, and this simply is the best one for you. After what happened with Jasper, I thought..."

"Well, you thought wrong," I interrupted. "I'm not letting you get rid of me. How about that?"

He chuckled mirthlessly, the sound deep in his chest, and it vibrated through my entire body. Carefully, he moved back a few steps from the stairs and set me on my feet, loosening his grasp on my waist. I searched his eyes as he searched mine.

"Come," he said as he gently took my hands from around his neck and slowly led me to his room. I stepped through the door into a space that was devoid of his essence – all his belongings were gone, his vast music collection, the items he had collected over his long life, all of it was gone from the room. Only his furniture remained, the black couch stark and cold against the absence of his personal touch.

He led me to the couch, sat down and pulled me into his lap, burying his nose in my hair again, as if to ground himself in my scent. I scratched through the hairs at the nape of his neck and nuzzled his cheek.

"Tell me, Edward. Tell me what led you to do this. Tell me what on earth would make you think that I'd be better off without you, because frankly, I cannot think of any scenario where that would be true."

I snorted at the ridiculousness of that thought.

"You told me you didn't love me. That you didn't _want_ me. Edward, that really hurt." I could hear the accusatory tone of my voice, but I needed him to understand what he had done to me.

In a flash, I was sitting on the couch by myself, while he began pacing across the floor. He was no longer looking at me, and his body language spoke of shame and self-loathing and frustration.

"Bella," he roughly ground out, running his hands through his hair repeatedly. "God, I'm sorry. It's never been about whether I love you or not because I do. I do love you more than anything in this world, more than my own life."

There it was. I knew he'd been lying, and he'd just confirmed it. I nodded encouragingly when his eyes sought mine, prodding him to continue.

"From the moment I knew I loved you, I also knew that I would have to leave you. I've been trying for so long to find the strength to go through with it. I contemplated leaving after the incident with James. I _should_ have left then, but I wasn't strong enough. You begged me to stay, and so I stayed."

He looked at me with doleful eyes, regret and shame etched into this features.

"I should never have pulled you into my world, Bella, but I couldn't resist. I love you and I want to be with you, so I selfishly decided to try. To let you in, to show you how much you mean to me, to let you know how very much I love you. And then, the miracle of all miracles, the one thing I never expected, never even dared to hope for – you returned my feelings, loved me back. Me – the monster, this wretched thing I thought would never experience that feeling of being loved in return. I should have known it couldn't last. Just as we were beginning, the nomads came and I flew into a panic. You'd been exposed to danger because of me, because of what we are. You were hurt. I nearly lost you then. Seeing your small, broken body on the floor of the studio, your precious blood spilled – Bella, it almost destroyed me. Sucking the venom from your bite and stopping before I killed you myself was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do, but for once I found the strength, though God only knows where it came from, yet I did. Because I love you. I love you with every fiber of my miserable being."

"I love you, too," I whispered.

He regarded me from across the room, answering my declaration with a crooked smile that didn't reach his eyes.

"Let me finish, please. We came back from Phoenix and I watched you heal. We went to prom, and then it was summer. Like the rays of the sun, I felt you warm this frozen body of mine with your love, your adoration, and I grew complacent. For just a little while, I lived in the now, and allowed myself a sliver of happiness, but all the while, in the back of my mind, I knew that it would end at some point, knew that at any moment in time something could happen that would take it all away."

I stared at him numbly while my heart dropped to my stomach. I'd had no idea he felt this way. There had been a glimpse of this in Phoenix while I was in the hospital, but I had brushed it off as leftover panic, and then summer had happened, and we'd been so very happy.

He was right – I supposed we'd both been lulled into complacency over the summer.

"What happened at your birthday party...Bella, I've been expecting it for so long, expecting something to go so horribly wrong, that it was almost a relief to actually see it happening. Something as tragically stupid as a papercut..."

He snorted at the absurdity of it.

"It could have been anything, really – because the fact remains that you're human and I'm...we're not."

"And whose fault is that?" I muttered under my breath before I could stop myself.

He wheeled around and faced me fully, anger and pain distorting his handsome features.

"You don't know what you're asking of me, Bella. You don't know what it's like – the constant thirst, the perpetual urge to hunt, to kill, to never change, to never age, to always be on the outside of humanity looking in."

"Again – whose fault is that?" I challenged him. "You _know_ I want to be with you forever, Edward, though you seem to think that I don't know what that entails. And maybe I don't. You're right, of course. I _don't _know what it's like to be a vampire – but that is primarily because you refuse to talk to me about any of it."

He exhaled loudly, a long-drawn out sigh that told me of the internal struggle he had to be going through. Despite what Edward believed, I knew how much he fought the vampire inside him, the monster as he called it, and how much he loathed what he was. My long conversation with Carlisle while he stitched me up had only confirmed what I had already surmised on my own.

Sure, I was a little worried about the bloodlust, and okay, I was a lot worried about enduring three days of excruciating pain, but I didn't know much of what else to expect of the change and the thereafter. Edward had steadfastly refused to ever discuss it with me, and my conversation with Carlisle about souls and God did nothing to enlighten me about the details of becoming and being a vampire.

I knew I would have to give up certain things that came with immortality and the requirement to keep the secret – like my parents and my human friends, and there would be no babies in my future with Edward, but none of that mattered to me as long as I could have forever with _him_.

Selfish, yes – I knew that, but I didn't care. All I cared about was spending forever with Edward by my side. I hadn't thought much about anything else.

"You're right – I don't talk about it with you, but that is primarily because I don't _want_ you to know about that side of me. I didn't ask for this life, Bella, and if there was any way at all for me to become human for you, I would do it, no matter the price. There isn't, though, because believe me, if there was even a chance of that, Rosalie would have found it by now."

He shook his head as if to clear his mind.

"We all struggle with what we are and it's not an existence I would wish for you. It's a difficult and challenging life, a daily struggle to do the right thing, a constant battle to suppress our natural urges. It's a dark and cold existence, always on the edge, never fully fitting in with the world around us. Humans grow, change every day, and their lives are fleeting, temporary. We don't get involved, don't form bonds with people because we're never around long enough, and of course, they can never know our secret. I hate this life, Bella. I abhor the monster inside me that thirsts for your blood, only to be trumped by the wretched creature that hungers for your touch. And what I hate the most is my own weakness for letting you in, for not being strong enough to resist the pull you have over me, for giving in for once in my miserable existence to feel the love that a woman has for a man. I am not a man, though – I am a wicked creature trapped in this body with a mind that has seen too much of the dregs of humanity to have left any faith in people."

He looked down at his hands. His whole body screamed of self-loathing and despair. His shoulders were hunched in, his head hung down, and my heart broke for the beautiful but lost boy in front of me. I was about to jump off the couch to wrap my arms around him when he continued.

"I should have died of the Spanish influenza when I was seventeen, but Carlisle thought he was following my dying mother's wishes when he changed me. For three days, I burned – a fiery hell more painful than anything you could ever imagine. And when I woke from my pyre, I had turned into this – this bloodthirsty monster, a soulless murderer, and for a long time, I tried to hate Carlisle for what he had done to me. With my extra ability, of course, I was able to understand why he had acted that way, and I could see the purity of his intentions, so I couldn't hate him. He's become my friend and confidante, and I rely on his advice and guidance more often than I like."

A small smile lifted the corner of his lips but was gone sooner than I could blink.

"Carlisle has found a way for himself, after centuries, to come to terms with what he has become, and he uses his extra abilities to do good, to help people. The rest of us do the best we can, pursuing various interests and trying to find something that engages us and gives us a semblance of peace. We still struggle, though – some of us more than the others. My family find solace in their partners as all mated vampires do, but that is the one avenue that has been closed for me. Well, until you. You crashed like a meteor into my world and brought with you light and brightness, and for the first time in my very long life, I didn't feel so alone anymore. The melancholy lifted. You stumbled and blushed your way into my heart and you infused me with life, Bella. I haven't felt alive since my change, but one look from you made me feel like my heart would start beating again. I soared when you first told me that you loved me. And yet, I knew it couldn't last. I knew that at some point I would have to give you back, return you to your normal, human life, and resign myself to an eternity of loneliness and longing. Even if I stayed with you throughout your human lifetime, eventually you would go where I cannot follow. Still, I wouldn't change anything because it allowed me to bask, if only for a short while, in the warm glow of your love. It was worth the pain that will undoubtedly follow. _You_ are worth any suffering I will have to endure in the future because I will forever remember the pure joy you brought to my life."

He sighed down his nose and turned to me.

"Alice, of course, saw another future for you. She begged me to consider your request. And I did consider it, but I can't condemn you to this non-life we lead."

Edward looked at me apologetically.

"Forever is a very long time, Bella," he sighed. "It is one of my deepest fears that you are changed and then hate me for what you've become. Hate me because of the monster inside that demands blood all the time. Despise me for what you'd have to give up to be with me. Children, a human life, human experiences that I don't want to take from you."

He walked back to the couch and sat beside me, his eyes boring into mine.

"Bella," he whispered, taking my hands and intertwining our fingers. "My heart would shatter if you were to resent me for taking these possibilities away from you. I couldn't live with myself if you ever hated me."

"Don't be absurd, Edward. I could never hate you."

"You don't know that!"

"Yes, I do. All I want is to be with you. Forever. Whatever that entails. Because I tell you right now, Edward – you may as well kill me if you leave me. My life would be over anyway. There is nothing more important to me than you. Nothing I _need_ more than you. I want forever with you. And I'll do whatever necessary to give that to us. If that requires me being changed, so be it. I've never considered having children. Hell, I raised my own mother, and that's quite enough for me. Besides, even if I wanted children, I wouldn't want them with anyone but _you_. Any human experiences are not interesting to me if I can't have them with you. I know you're worried about my soul and I can understand your concerns, though I'm not convinced you're right about all that – but Edward, my soul is worth _nothing_ to me if I don't have you."

I raised our joined hands to his face and stroked the marble of his cheek.

"I love you, Edward. I am so _in love_ with you – there is no greater truth, and I will do anything and everything I have to, just to be with you. No matter what the cost. You are _that_ important to me."

He sighed, closing his eyes, as I pulled myself back into his lap.

"And it should be my choice, too, you know? Because that's what you almost did today, in effect. You almost took my choice away, simply by leaving me. I could understand it if your feelings for me had changed, but they haven't – you've said as much yourself. No, don't shake your head at me – I know what I saw. You almost broke your own heart today, on top of mine. Don't deny it."

His lips touched my ear, and I shivered as his cool breath danced down my neck.

"You're right. I can't deny it, my love, but I was prepared for just that, as long as it meant that you would have a long, happy, human life. That you would be safe from the dangers of my world."

"So you would instead deny yourself the love and happiness you deserve?"

Again, I was sitting on the couch by myself, unceremoniously dumped from his lap, as Edward shot up to resume his pacing.

"Happiness I deserve?" he sneered, his voice increasing in volume as he became more and more agitated.

"I don't _deserve_ happiness or love, Bella. Whatever gave you that idea? What I deserve is to burn in the fires of hell. I have done many a reprehensible, horrible thing in my lifetime. I have killed people – have you conveniently forgotten that? When I met you and fell in love with you, I should have walked away, but no – I selfishly reached out and claimed you for my own, and look what that has gotten you. Being hunted by a deranged vampire, a broken leg, countless other injuries, pain and suffering, and then to top it all of, nearly attacked and killed by my own brother. Combine that with the fact that this wicked creature you see in front of you not only lusts for your blood, but for your bo-..."

He broke off with a huff and turned his back to me, staring into the darkening forest outside of his windows. I watched his shoulder rise and sink with each of his breaths, watched his expression in the reflection of the glass panes. For a few moments, he didn't speak at all. When he faced me again, his expression was weary, beaten and his eyes were full of ancient grief.

"No, Bella. I am a monster of the most despicable kind. There is no measurement small enough for the amount of happiness that I deserve."

I stood up from the couch, my hands on my hips, glaring at him.

"Are you done guilt-tripping? Are you finished spewing these ridiculous notions?" I spat. "How is it that you can tell me that I don't see myself clearly when you so obviously suffer from the same blindness?"

"Vampire vision," he replied with a self-deprecating smirk. "I see quite well, thank you very much."

"Oh, for crying out loud, Edward, give it a rest!" I shouted, stomping towards him with my fists balled up in anger.

"You must think I'm some stupid little girl, blinded by your beauty, duped by your vampiric wiles, without a brain to think for myself. Of course, you can't hear my thoughts so perhaps that means I don't have any? Is that it? Because if that's what you really think of me, we're done here. I am not strong enough to stop you, so leave if you must, but I will not stand here and allow you to insult my intelligence."

He gaped at me, his mouth open, but didn't respond. Frustration brought tears to my eyes, and I whirled around and marched towards the bedroom door.

I didn't get far.

Not two steps into my less than graceful attempt to exit his room, he stood in front of me, his hands held up in surrender. I glared at him, angry, irritated, trying not to cry.

"No," he said softly, his eyes full of love and regret. "I don't think you're stupid or blind. Please don't go. I'm sorry, Bella."

I sniffled, unable to hold back the tears any longer.

A cold thumb swept across my cheek, wiping away the traitorous moisture.

"Don't cry," he whispered. "Please, don't cry. I'm sorry, so sorry."

I lunged for him, throwing myself into his arms, hiding my face in the fabric of his sweater. For a moment I thought he'd push me away, but then he caught me, his strong arms wrapping around me in a protective embrace, his face buried against my neck, his nose inhaling deeply against the pulsing artery of my throat.

I had never been more certain that he would not harm me than in that moment. The desperation in his posture, in his voice, was evident, and I could feel the depth of his love for me. I drew strength from it because I knew the fight for him was not yet over.

Again and again, he stammered his apologies.

"What are you sorry for?" I finally asked.

He pulled back to look at me, his topaz eyes glistening with long-hidden emotions, and for a long moment, he didn't reply. When he finally opened his mouth to speak, it was more of a question.

"Everything?"

I snickered without mirth. "Really, Edward? Everything? Even for loving me like you do? You're sorry for that, too?"

A horrified look crossed his face as he staggered back, releasing me. "No, of course not. I could never..."

And then he realized what he had said, I could see it in his eyes. I smirked at him and moved in for the kill.

"So, do you see now, Edward? If you could never regret loving me, what makes you think I could ever be sorry for loving you? And if we follow that line of logic, what makes you think that even if you changed me, because I love you and want to be with you forever, that I would ever hate you for it?"

"It's not the same," he tried to argue. "You're human and..."

"And what?" I prompted when he didn't continue. He shook his head but I wasn't about to give up at that point.

"And what?" I asked again, a little sharper this time, because my frustration level was rising again. "Spit it out, Edward."

The whole situation was so ridiculous and absurd to me, and he wasn't making it any easier. He glanced at me cautiously.

"Bella – you have to understand. For eighty-seven years, I have had to listen to the humans around me, every minute of every hour of every day. Take the children at school. They profess to be in love with one another one day, and then hate each other the next. Human emotions are fickle, ever-changing. On the contrary, vampire emotions are permanent. We're set in our ways, and it's rare and uncommon for us to experience any real change. But once we love, well – it truly is forever. I know down to my frozen core that my feelings for you will never change."

He took a deep breath. "Bella, you're human. And it's difficult if not impossible for me to believe that you..."

He broke off again, but I already knew what he had meant to say. And it stung. It stung so badly that I started crying again, sinking to the ground in tears, desperately trying to get myself under control. His words had just sealed my fate and his – and I realized that there was nothing I could say or do to change his mind.

My heart shattered into a million pieces. I would lose him and there wasn't a damn thing I could do about it. And still, there was fight in me though I didn't know where it came from.

"Oh, I get it," I hiccuped angrily, my voice laced with sarcasm. "You're the big, strong vampire and your love is so superior. I'm just a feeble human – I couldn't possibly love you the way you love me. No, that would be preposterous. You are a conceited jerk, you know that, Edward?"

"That's not what I meant."

I raised my eyes up at him, infuriated and hurt.

"Then what did you mean, Edward? What was that little rant about if not the fact that you don't believe my love for you is just as strong and lasting as yours for me? What the hell am I doing here, then? There's nothing that will convince you, is there, nothing I could possibly say that would make you agree with me."

I jumped to my feet with surprising grace and fixed my eyes on him, angrily swiping at the tears that continued to course down my face. He only stared at me, his mouth opening but saying nothing.

His lack of response, the utter lack of denial, took the fight out of me. I gave up. I was done. I could see that he had made up his mind and no matter how wrong he was, my stubborn vampire would stick by his decision.

So be it.

I had done everything I possibly could, and he had not listened to a word I'd said. My parting shot was harsh but my broken heart would not be suppressed.

"Fine, then. Have it your way. I get it, Edward, truly I do. Thank you. Thank you for opening my eyes so I can see what I have been missing all this time. I'll just run along now, fragile little human that I am."

The sarcasm dripped like venom from my lips, and I gained a measure of perverse satisfaction from seeing him flinch at my words.

I was rather sure he heard me mutter "stupid, rotten vampire know-it-all" under my breath as I turned around, away from him.

Again, I marched towards the door and as before, I didn't get very far. His hands grabbed my waist and spun me around, his lips came crashing down to mine and then he was kissing me, desperately and roughly and hungrily, crushing me against his mouth and his chest. I gasped at the suddenness and the fervor of his desire, and as my lips parted, his tongue invaded my mouth, tangling with mine, tasting, exploring, devouring.

He had never in all these months kissed me like that. For a second, I was stunned but then I returned his kiss with just as much fervor, pressing myself against the entire length of him.

I must have stopped breathing because as he broke away, I gasped for air, panting breathlessly. His mouth moved over my cheek to my ear, his lips gently suckling on the lobe for a moment, and down my neck, across my collar bone, and a fire started smoldering in the bottom of my stomach when I heard his low moan against my skin.

I fought the sudden urges away, knowing this was not the time to be ruled by rampant teenage hormones. I needed my wits about me now more than ever. He had yet to agree to stay, had yet to change his mind.

He sank to his knees, burying the side of his face into my middle, his arms resting just above my butt.

"Please," he begged, his voice broken with pain. "I love you. So much. I'm sorry, I'm so very sorry, but please, Bella, please – don't leave me."

The naked vulnerability in his posture, the raw emotions in his voice broke my heart. I ran my fingers through his hair, scratching his scalp. There was a small tendril of something that reached out from my heart, testing, stretching, wondering. A tiny flicker of hope raised its weary wings and fluttered in my stomach.

"Edward, I don't _want_ to leave you. A couple of hours ago, _you_ were prepared to do just that – leave me without any intention of ever coming back to me. You're the one who made this choice for both of us. Nothing I've said made any difference, and you keep insisting on deciding our future, without my input, without my consent. What am I supposed to do? I know how I feel, I've told you how I feel – I love you. I need you. I want to be with you. You're the one who wants to leave. Not me."

And then he finally broke down, his defenses and ridiculous plans crumbling into dust, and he was sobbing tearlessly into my jacket, his whole body shaking like a leaf in the wind, clutching me to him with a desperation that rivaled my own. My hands were buried in his hair and I held him to me with all the strength I could muster.

"I know, and I'm sorry. I'm so very, very sorry. I can't leave you, I'm not strong enough. I was foolish to think I could ever be without you. I know I messed up, Bella, believe me, I know. But please, please don't go. Don't take yourself away from me. I need you. I've never told you that, but I do, I need you so very much. You're my whole world, and I am _nothing_ without you. And I love you, I love you so much, but I can't condemn someone as beautiful as you to this existence, I can't, Bella, but may God smite me, I want to. I want to so desperately, every day, and I've been pushing that desire away, because you deserve better, so much better than me. I'm not good enough, Bella. I'm just no good."

I had to strain to catch it all because he was rambling nearly incoherently, and I almost fell to my knees as I saw my strong Adonis shatter at my feet like a piece of glass. Edward laid himself bare before me and it frightened yet empowered me. He knocked himself off the pedestal I had put him on and became, in that moment, the man I had only seen glimpses of before – insecure of his own worth yet strong in his convictions, greedy for my touch, with a heart so full of love for me that it took my breath away.

"I'm so scared, Bella. I'm so very scared that you'll get hurt at my hands, that I'll be the one responsible for your demise."

Like Atlas, my gorgeous, stubborn vampire carried the weight of the world on his shoulders, and it was too much for one person to carry. Even if he was indestructible. I pulled him closer, willing him to share his burden with me.

"Oh, Edward," I said, smiling as hope surged through me like a raging wildfire. "I don't think you could ever hurt me. You love me too much to ever cause me any harm. You try so hard every single day, you do everything you possibly can to protect me. Well, short of putting me in bubble wrap or something like that."

He snorted against my stomach.

"Hey now, don't get any ideas," I snickered but sobered quickly. I rubbed his scalp soothingly.

"You see yourself as this monster, but that's not the way I see you at all. I see the man who loves me with all his heart, the man who does everything and anything in his power to make me happy, to give me whatever I need, and I see the vampire who loves me so much that he denies his very nature and fights the near overwhelming thirst whenever I'm near. I know you would rather tear yourself limb from limb before you would _ever_ hurt me. I get that you all struggle every day, but we _all_ do, each in our own way. And it would be so easy to succumb to the temptation, especially with the way my blood smells to you. So each day, you fight that evil side of you, the side that wants to kill me, the monster. And each day, you cage that monster, and you touch me gently and reverently so as to not hurt me. Yes, I can only imagine the struggle this must be for you. And in a way I am grateful for every day that you struggle so, because it's another day I get to spend with you. But Edward, don't you see? Anything truly worth having is worth _fighting_ for. Anything so good such as you is worth struggling for. It's why I'm here now, fighting for you, because you _are_ good. There is so much goodness in you, I'm surprised you can contain it all. You are gentle and kind and patient and loving, and always so concerned about me and my well-being. You are good all the way down to your core. And you are good _for me_. You make me believe that I am beautiful and loved and worthy. Your soul is so beautiful, it shines."

Of course, he wasn't quite done arguing with me though his protests were feeble and unconvincing to anyone but himself.

"How can you say that, Bella? I've _killed_ people, a very large number of them. I'm condemned either way even if I had a soul. My past deeds make me irredeemable."

I nodded at his words, knowing he believed them to be true though he was wrong, so very wrong and I was getting rather weary of arguing this particular point.

"I know you believe that, Edward. Look at it with my eyes, though. Yes, you've killed before, and you could surely kill again, if you so chose, but that's actually my point. Every day you choose not to hunt humans, every day you choose not to kill, not to harm, not to hurt anyone. You deny your thirst, you deny your very nature because you don't want to be a monster. You've said so yourself. And it's our choices that make us good or evil, Edward – not what we're capable of, but what we choose to do with our capabilities."

I took a breath and bent down to kiss the top of his head.

"And Edward – you _do_ have a soul. I can see it in your eyes, all the way down, and it is light and good and breathtakingly beautiful. I don't believe you've lost it. It's still there, inside you, and it's what allows you to make those difficult choices every day. That's maybe what redemption really means, I think. Acknowledging the error of your ways and focusing on not making those same mistakes again. Whatever higher power there is, in whatever religion you want to believe in, we all deserve redemption if we truly repent our past mistakes. Forgiveness, if you truly regret what you have done, is part of it."

He exhaled down his nose, burrowing further into my stomach. It tickled a little and I squirmed.

"I'm sorry."

"Oh stop it, Edward – enough with the apologies. Not everything is your fault, you know."

I grinned at him when he raised his face to meet my eyes. He smiled back crookedly.

"Now, the crap you pulled this afternoon – _entirely_ your fault." I winked to take the sting out of my words.

"Come on," I said, pulling on his arms still wrapped around my midsection. "Get up and kiss me again, and then we'll really talk about where we'll go from here. I'm not letting you leave me, and you're not letting me leave you, and that's all there's to it. Everything else, we can figure out. Together."

He chuckled and got onto his feet, wrapping me in his embrace. I tilted my head up and he bent down, pressing his lips to mine, flicking his tongue against my mouth repeatedly until I opened to his insistence. My heart hammered in my chest, and I was dizzy and panting when he pulled back.

His breathing was just as ragged as mine, and the love and desire in his eyes spoke of things that made my heart soar and my hormones run amok.

We still had a lot of things to discuss and a ton of compromises ahead of us, but I also knew that as long as we were together, we would handle everything that fate could throw our way. Our situation wasn't ideal, but our love was real and true, and I would work to chip away at the armored walls Edward had erected around himself until he would finally feel he was allowed to ask for what he wanted.

Because deep down inside me, I knew he wanted me. Forever. And there would be a day when he would ask me for that, and I would gladly give it to him.

We'd get there.

Together.

"Bella, oh my Bella," he whispered, his eyes shining with undiluted love, and I could feel the fissures in my heart knitting themselves back together. "Thank you. Thank you for believing in me and in us. I don't deserve you, but I'll take you any way I can get you."

"You can have me any way you like," I promised, smiling at him, my fingers stroking over his cheek. "Just don't try to leave me again, okay?"

Edward laughed, leaning lightly into my touch, and this time his golden eyes twinkled with happiness. "No, I don't think I'll be attempting that again. It's highly unlikely you'd believe me, anyway."

I reached up to kiss him again.

"Extremely unlikely."

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**Endnote:** Please leave a review. Thank you for reading.


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